Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
