He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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