good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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