oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
