apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize