Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
should my penis look like a turkey
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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