i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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