I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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