I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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