Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
