I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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