Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
