My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize