Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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