he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
