6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
