How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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