I think I won the penis lottery.
I looked at my own cervix.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
