also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize