Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
