i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
