in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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