either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
