At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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