You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
