Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
