If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
