Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
