based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
