I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
