you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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