Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
