it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
