Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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