the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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