i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
