I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
