i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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