So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
