Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize