he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
