can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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