Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
