when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
