She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm too high and old for this...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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