I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize