How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
