My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
