just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
