I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
