dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
