i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
