Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize