another moral hangover. fuck.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
