fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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