So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
