I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
