shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
