he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
