ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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