I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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