i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
