He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
