He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize