I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
