you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
