i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My dick has a subreddit
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
